First, speak, and one rolls out.
Second, laugh, and two roll out.
I want to gather more, want to see more.
Someday, I'm sure, you'll hold yourself responsible for my greed.
Come on, everyone's watching Cosmos vs. Alien
Their battles are always marvelous
He commands a fleet, but he's really been an alien since before he was born
The distance between "micro" and "macro" is so important
At least when it comes to misunderstandings in space treaties
If it's this or be the second coming of Adam and Eve
Everyone's probably better off how they are now
Come on, take a closer look
Come on, be a little more eager
Come on, let's hold hands gently
Come on, put a smile on
Talk and talk, gossip up a storm
But soon it's more than just a joke
Cross the mountains, cross the valleys
Get to the planet he lives on
Come on, everyone's watching the captain, the queen, and the ace
Yes, the missile counterbarrage is ready
But the man aiming has really been an alien since before he was born
Now, the cosmos is space
It's just one wide sweep
The cosmos's sugary taste
It's just one sweet
Just a pinch of magic when you're together with her
Just a pinch of sugar and you can have her
To be a real man, you need to clutch an ambition or two close to your heart.
Doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl, that's what manliness takes.
And I want you all to be good and manly.
So I came up with this plan yesterday!
Here it is! I call it the King Game!
King Game
King Game? So we're going to draw straws or something to pick the king who gets to call the shots?
Come on, what are you saying? There's only one way to determine who occupies the throne!
He's the victorious survivor of a bloody battle!
Just what era's kings are you talking about?
Episode 183 "Royal Decree"
Do you wanna be King!?
Not afraid of losing, are you!?
And thus, a tournament to determine the strongest on the Arakawa riverbank
was held under the guise of a "King Game".
Come on, are you all just going to go along with the Mayor? I'm out.
Later.
Are you sure you don't want to be King? After all, he gets to issue one royal decree.
It can be anything that the whole riverbank working together could make come true.
Really? I'll do it! I'm in!
Me too!
Well, well.
Anything?
You mean that thing other than common sense
that I've been trying to beat into them during my classes under the bridge?
"Everyone but Nino must speak politely to me"!?
Mr. Ric, it's too hot in the summer to wear this suit around.
You look so cool today, Mr. Ric!
Mr. Ric, you've made it to the top of the food chain!
Hey, Ric, if you're not joining in, you'd better split.
A scrub like you would do better just running away.
Who're you calling a scrub?
Not the all-around prodigy Mr. Karate Black Belt here, I hope!
It's probably just a white belt that you never washed!
Yeah, keep talking, nooblet.
Even though I did get it in elementary school...
Wow, Ric, if I knew you were a trained fighter, you would've been seeded.
Huh, there're qualifiers?
Sure, fine, not like any of them are gonna beat me.
You son of a—
All right, everyone participating take a piece of paper!
Now you've got to write down your royal decree!
Okay!
In advance?
Only one, huh? I don't know what I'm gonna put!
I wonder what I should put.
Their decree is their wish, right?
What do I do?
Everyone looks so happy.
I hope my wish comes true!
They're all grinning like little kids.
I'm sure they're putting down their true wishes.
Those two absolutely mustn't ascend to the throne!
Episode 184 "Preliminaries"
The King Game preliminaries, a battle royale on the water, will now commence!
The rules are simple! The last man standing on the raft will advance to the championship!
For the sake of your ambition...
Fight!
A battle royale, huh?
No sense going it alone right now.
Hey, Ric.
Why don't we team up and thin out the competition?
Sure thing, Star. Let's kick some ass.
Friends until the end. Or at least until we're the last ones left.
Grownups cheat!
Hey, you're doing the same thing. Only one of you can advance.
No, we're different!
We understand each other without even speaking...
We're connected by the same hope...
Yes!
We both want an oil drum full of Jell-o!
We both want an oil drum full of pudding!
Brotherly bonds torn apart by gelatine.
All right, that's two down.
Anyway, why don't we take him down while we're working together?
Yeah, he's the biggest problem.
If I step off the white lines, my wife will become a white Cornish!
A white Cornish hen, bred for eating!
But how are we gonna do it?
Even if we just try to knock him off...
A little nooblet like me just hasn't got the guts to push him off a white line!
Why don't you show me what a black belt can do!
Aww, really? Come on! Show me how to rock!
Grow the hell up and go for it!
Why does it have to be me? Why not you!?
Hey.
You want some? I'll beat you!
I won't let you turn my wife into a white Cornish—
What do you have against birds!?
Billy! If you take him off the white lines—!
What are you, a couple of chirping little songbirds?
I don't care if you're a cockatoo. That's just inhuman!
What do we do!? Whitey's gonna—
It's my molting season.
That way, he's not off a white line!
He's amazing! I don't think I can beat him, for entirely different reasons!
Damn, he's just too cool!
What the hell do we do!?
Billy, you're amazing!
My lovebird...
Here's my chance! A shove from behind is cowardly, but...
I have desires too!
Billy...
You shouldn't have! Now you're out of bounds too!
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to hear the screams of my woman.
Never put yourself in that kind of danger again!
Bro!
Episode 185 "Gate of the Strongest"
Three competitors remain!
Who will move on from the preliminaries!?
It's about time to wrap this team up...
I should probably handle P-ko before I finish off that idiot Star.
First, let's talk to her so she lets down her guard.
Aren't we lucky, P-ko?
I didn't think I'd have a chance against Billy, but since you beat Jacqueline...
I didn't win.
P-ko...
Between Jacqueline, whose beloved shows up to save her when she's in a pinch,
and me, who shoves people into a river to catch her beloved's eye...
P—
I may have won the fight, but as a woman, I'm completely defeated!
Why am I fated to a life of unrequited love!?
P-ko!
What's wrong?
She's suddenly in despair over her relationship with the Mayor...
Why!?
Anyway, let's get her to stop crying.
We may be throwing her off the raft, but not while she's in tears.
Yeah. P-ko, I'm sure he'll come around some day.
You're just making things up!
It seems like you get along well!
Yep, I'm just making things up.
Yeah, yeah! You really complement each other!
With that red-green contrast.
Hey!
He's right! I always see Mayor looking around for you, too...
When he needs more cucumbers.
Man, I'm hungry.
Yeah, and don't his eyes look kind when he talks to you?
Especially when you just gave him cucumbers.
That's it!
It has to be true!
He has to feel the same way about you!
No way! Stop it, you two!
But haven't our gazes met a lot lately!?
And doesn't he usually sit next to me when we all eat together!? Oh man—
Advancing to the finals, P-ko!
Huh? Where'd they go?
Congrats, P-ko.
What? Did I win!?
Yeah. You're in the finals now.
Your feelings for the Mayor kept you going, didn't they?
All right, next is a no-holds-barred fight to the death!
The current's too strong!
At that moment, P-ko heard the gates of Hell open.
My awakening heart rushes forth, to draw the future
I'm Madoka Kaname, age 14!
An average 14-year-old girl's encounter with the unusual.
What happened that one day changed my life completely.
My new life is really tough, but I'll try my best!
No matter how tough the path ahead is, I won't be stopped!
The beginning of a new tale of magical girls——
Puella Magi Madoka☆Magica starts Thursday, January 6th!
Waiting for me is—
Thursday night, January 6 at 1:25
Arakawa's Alcor, Stella!
The Emerald God of War, Mayor!
The Holy Warhead, Sister!
The Poison-Tongued Carpet Bomber, Maria!
The Reverse-Blade Hairdresser, Last Samurai!
The Queen of Blunders, P-ko!
The Sleeping Beauty of Cruelty, Nino!
The curtain rises on the battle for the throne in the Arakawa King Game!
A balloon battle?
Yeah.
So you lose if your balloon pops? That's cute.
And you're just the perfect referee.
You lose if you leave the ring, too.
Oh, goodie!
Looking at the lineup, I almost withdrew...
But if it's going to be like this, even I can win!
Oh, and one last thing.
In the interest of a peaceful, gentlemanly competition, there is one restriction.
Weapons are...
Yeah, that's it.
Limited to one per competitor.
Are you serious!?
Episode 186 "Commence the Fight to the Death"
Someone! Anyone!
Calm down, P-ko!
You can still withdraw now, so calm down!
Someone please bring me a hoe from my garden!
I have two. Get the big one!
Sure!
The big one?
We'll go get it!
I'm scared. I wonder if I'll be okay?
Maybe the small one would have been easier to maneuver?
I'm scared of how quickly you decided on a hoe!
Stella, remember, no mercy.
That's my line. For my ambition...
To make Maria be my mommy, I'll fight with all my might!
Perhaps it's time for the next generation to grasp their own future.
I'll lend you my strength!
Really!?
What kind of holy man lies like that?
Here's your hoe, P-ko!
Thanks!
Okay, now that everyone's ready, let's start the match!
With Sister and Stella working together, the power balance is ruined.
Stella! Formation A!
It's been a while. This reminds me of our battles in England...
Yes, back when we were feared as The Tower of Eastern Europe!
This is it!
Formation A!
Amazing! Sister's skirt protects Stella's balloon!
And Sister's balloon is too high to reach!
That's it!
With Nino's jumping power, she can—!
You're wide open, Nino!
Could it have failed!?
No! Look!
She used a snot bubble as a dummy balloon!
The real one is still intact!
No, Sister! You're only allowed one weapon!
Nino, unable to control her instincts, has gone out of bounds!
Snacks don't count as weapons!
Clever...
Sure, you need to fight to win, but you should save your strength for the final match.
Stella!
You shouldn't get that big! We can see straight up your skirt!
Oh no! I'm being so unladylike!
That was a dirty trick!
Stella has been eliminated!
There, there, don't cry.
Stella! I will carry out your will!
Oh, then I absolutely can't lose.
I wouldn't mind playing Stella's mommy,
but I'll pass on the pervert daddy tagging along.
Don't misunderstand, Maria! I don't have that kind of ulterior motive!
Big words for someone made up of 1% faith and 99% ulterior motives!
While the top contenders are occupied with each other, perhaps I shall exterminate a particular youkai...
Last Samurai has drawn his katana!
But the Mayor is unarmed! What a mismatch!
I'll show you a youkai art fiercer than any blade!
His hair is standing on end!?
No, his bowl!
His bowl is spinning rapidly! Amazing!
What an amazing suit!
I just told you I'd show you a youkai art.
Got you!
Last Samurai has been eliminated!
But I felt his pop, too!
So why didn't I hear the sound of it popping!?
Perhaps my fabulous raven locks blinded you.
I predicted even your instincts as a hairdresser.
I win.
Without even looking in a mirror, he can tell he received a cut like a visual-kei rocker.
Episode 187 "Fateful Bout"
Mayor, you're so cool!
Really? Take a closer look.
Ah, P-ko.
Next is our battle.
I'm serious, so you should be too.
Every man for his own wish!
Right. My wish...
To make the Mayor love me...
But what's his wish!?
This makes it tough to see.
Am I going to take away the dream of the man I love just to make him love me!?
I... I can't do it!
P-ko!
I care more about your happiness than my wish, Mayor!
P-ko!? You're—
P-ko... Are you really...
Even someone as dense as the Mayor has to realize that was a confession!
There's no mistaking it. That's...
The fists-down defensive stance!
You've mastered that legendary technique!?
I'm sorry it took me so long to show you what I was thinking.
But it's okay. I feel like something's awakened in me...
You didn't even have to say it.
Let's go, P-ko!
Mayor!?
No, P-ko, dodge!
Mayor sees Joe within you!
What do I do!? We're in front of all these people...
But I...
Run before you get hurt!
I have you!
Mayor, I lo—
Cross counter!
I love you, Mayor.
And both are knocked out!
It is said that the Mayor remained green even after burning his life away.
Episode 188 "Down to the Finalists"
And now, Sister and Maria have been confirmed as those remaining in the running for the championship!
"Have been confirmed." How passive can you get?
The problem is what happens if she wins.
I bet her wish is something so terrible that I can't even imagine it!
Sister! You're the only one we can rely on!
Don't go easy on her just because you like her!
Go for the win!
Of course.
I haven't even been hit once.
But first!
Is anyone here type A!?
Type O is fine too!
Sister!
You dodged all the physical attacks...
But the psychological ones all hit their mark, didn't they!?
Thus, the final bout of the Arakawa King Game unfolds.
Who will grasp the champion's belt of their ambition?
Will it be Sister or Maria?
Next ep: Finals!
The tense decisive bout comes next time, during 13 Bridge×2!
Looking back at the end of my journey,
as the days I long for pass
I see you wrapped in your red coat,
playing without waiting for winter
Farewell, mazelike days , I'd thank you if I realized days
Oh, oh, goodbye days
Looking forward at the beginning of my journey,
I take a deep breath so I won't have to stop
We're both swimming upstream toward tomorrow,
Swaying side to side like fish
Pain? No thank you days, sadness? No thank you days
Oh, oh goodbye days
Episode 189 "Arakawa Open-air Classroom, Fourth Period"
Whitey's White Line Lesson
All right, class is starting.
Let's begin with the anatomy of a line marker.
Well, first...
Well hello there.
Wow, this is great! It really is a white line!
Amazing! I never knew white lines could do this before!
Whitey's White Line Lesson
Look! These free-flowing lines, like a swan soaring into the sky!
Whitey's White Line Lesson
Do you see those curves!? Look how the apex slants so smoothly!
Oh, that reminds me of something.
You know how they tell you over the loud speakers at the train station to stand back from the white line?
Come on, why don't they say to stand on the white line!?
And hey, when a white line splits, which way do you go? Left? Right?
But wait, there's more to white lines than that!
Recruit!
What are you being so formal for, Nino?
Make me fall in love.
Leave it to me!
Next time, 13 Bridge×2!
Pierce the heavens with our delusions!
My heart isn't ready yet!
Illustration: Arina Tanemura
Catch the finals next time!